Monday, November 9, 2009

Shelly Thinks: House of Cards Gets Wobbly

I started doing some figuring today - trying to figure out how best to use the settlement money, how best to deal with the car (that is having more issues than I have patience or time to write about at this point), and what the hell I'm gonna do when I run out of government provided student loan money in about a year. I could get loans from consumer loan companies but I really don't like that idea.

I'm so frustrated at knowing that failure may loom in my future, all because of money. What the hell is the deal? Why does this stuff cost so damn much? My expenses are $600 a month. Everything else is government subsidized. And I'm still going to run out of money. Why? Because tuition and books cost almost $1500 more than the Pell grant covers. Because I have a $230 a month car payment, which I'm seriously considering paying off with the settlement money. I can't trim my expenses anymore - it would mean eliminating something important like car insurance, life insurance, or my cell phone. I've already lowered my minutes as low as I dare. I don't DO anything fun other than once in a while. And I can't work two jobs and go to school and be a mom - something's gotta give. I figured my business would be the easiest thing to do that with because it's more flexible, even though it gives me more money (albeit not consistently yet). I work when there's a need rather than working to find the need.

I don't know what I'm going to do and I've been working on this all day, it's close to midnight - I'm going to bed. It'll still be there to deal with tomorrow.

Shelly Thinks: Credit Action Plan

For the last couple of weeks I've been doing research and have come up with a plan for resolving more of the credit issues on my report, which are at this point - 1 to 2 derogatory accounts still incorrectly reporting, and a limited credit history/number of lines as well as too many inquiries. I hope to have the inquiries resolved soon.

1) Over Thanksgiving week work on letters to dispute remaining inaccurate accounts to both creditors and bureaus. I should be able to reach a 700 credit score or better on all reports by the end of the year.

2) In March, refinance the car through credit union

3) March: apply for a new credit card and close currently expensive sub prime one. Try for credit union card or visa.

4) March: apply for a store credit card (Walmart, Amazon, or Sears?) to increase trade lines (PIF every month).

5) April: All activities frozen for six months, work on removing inquiries from credit applications.

6) October: re-evaluate score and trade lines for accuracy. Develop action plan at that point.

Main goal is to have a good job/good income from business after graduation and buy a house when I enter graduate school in about three years.

That being said, I really understand why it's so hard for people to get ahead these days. You have to seriously bust your ass and with all the heat I've gotten over my decisions, I can see that that's not socially acceptable in a lot of instances. It continues to astonish me how much people are just completely clueless about what I'm trying to accomplish - from my school advisers, to friends and colleagues. Those within my inner circle get it (hence why they're there) but anyone outside of that doesn't. The irony is that I'm not hurting the people who are speaking against my actions. It doesn't affect them at all but yet I'm the one that's nuts? I guess wanting a better future for my family is a bit nuts - why should anyone want that these days?

In any case, I have a lot to do today so I better get to it. I'm hoping to clean, work out, and do some work related stuff that I put off last week.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Shelly Thinks: The Importance of Thinking For Myself

I realized today that the most important thing I've learned has been to think for myself. For so many years I always just agreed with everyone else. As a result my mind would change constantly. One day I'd feel one way, other days I'd feel another way. Now though, I've learned to make up my OWN mind. How empowering that is! I realize what I was missing for so many years and understand why I would have so much regret and fear of making mistakes. It was because I wasn't doing things *I* truly believed in. Sure, there were times when I did what I felt like I had to do - leaving Florida, have an abortion, dumping both my daughter's father and the man who came after when I eventually wised up to the fact they weren't healthy. But a lot of those decisions had significant input from other people. Now, I don't ask anymore. I blog. I think. I maybe talk it out with friends but I don't solicit opinions anymore except from one trusted person who's like a father to me.

I realize now that this is good for me. It doesn't mean I won't make mistakes but it's so much easier to accept them when the decisions that cause them are my own and not someone else's.

In any case, things are going great, which is wonderful to say after four months of dark and dreariness. Maybe that's why I keep talking about how wonderful things are. Or maybe I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. In either case, I'm determined to enjoy it. And best of all, tomorrow is Mommy's day! I have a ton of homework to do as well as housework but I'm going to make sure I find time to relax and enjoy myself. Soon the holidays will be here, bringing with them their own kind of stress.

I've spent some time lately doing some "window shopping" online for Christmas for Libby and I'm pretty excited. I found the cutest kiddie artist desk that I think she'll get a kick out of. Her room has plenty of room for it and she loves to draw. I just have to make sure I keep plenty of drawing paper around!

I'm still hopeful that we'll be able to go visit the grandparents for Thanksgiving but at the rate this settlement is processing (now going on two months) I'm not even sure this thing will be done by the end of the year. The first draft of revisions has been sent to opposing counsel and I'm hoping he doesn't jerk around with it. I have my fingers crossed I'll get something in the next two weeks but at this point I'm really praying it'll happen by the end of the month so I'm not late paying some of my bills. Not to mention Christmas.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Shelly Thinks: Credit Battle Wages On

I am having a great deal of success with my credit repairs thanks to my new attorney who's helping me with it. I now how two scores over 650 and climbing thanks to new credit lines. I hope to be around 680 by the end of the year for those two reports which would put me in a good position to refinance the car. After that it's just a matter of letting them age. I still have some miscellaneous items to contest (i.e. more work to do) but it's finally getting better rather than worse. I never thought I'd see a 650 score again and I'm so excited!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Shelly Thinks: A Return to Me

A year and a half ago I began to write for the first time in four years as though I'd never stopped. Certainly there were changes - my writing had somehow matured and developed seemingly without me doing anything. My mind set had changed so drastically it was hard to recognize myself. But one thing that hadn't changed was writing itself. It was still the beautiful, amazing adventure I'd always known it to be and that first time was like coming home. I started this blog and I've never stopped. And every so often something will make me stop, look inside, and realize a piece of me has returned that I thought would be lost forever or had forgotten was ever there in the first place.

Almost five years ago I endured one of the scariest events of my life - living with a man who threatened to kill me, then raped me for two weeks until I became pregnant while forcing me to pretend everything was fine. For a long time I wasn't sure what the truth was. And even now sometimes I wonder if it was all in my mind. Or a bad nightmare. Or maybe I just wish it were.

Today, walking across campus an old friend returned to me. My sense of self. I'd been without it for so long I'd forgotten what it felt like to have it. My stride felt long and purposeful with just enough pep. My life felt full around me and while so much was different, the core essence of who I am had survived. Someone had once again tried to extinguish that tiny flame deep within me and today I realized that attempt had failed. Utterly.

For such an unbelievably long time I feared it had been lost. That *I* was lost. I'd searched so long and hard for it I was certain I would never find it. I knew I would spend the rest of my life looking. And then, just one day, without any warning, that flame flickered and blazed to a higher luminescence than it had ever had. I am alive. And it is BEAUTIFUL! More beautiful than I had remembered.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Shelly Thinks: Foreclosure Scholarship

In my unexpected return to desperately seeking scholarship money again (which may or may not happen in time for Spring) I found one that deals with the foreclosure issue.

Foreclosure.com is breaking new ground by offering a scholarship program. All college students and incoming freshman are invited to apply by submitting an article. This year's topic is "How to solve the foreclosure crisis."
Essay Topic: "How to solve the foreclosure crisis"
Deadline: Dec. 31, 2009
Requirements: Minimum 1,000 words,
Maximum 2,500
Awards: Five winners will be selected
Top prize $5,000
Second through fifth place
will receive $1,000 each

So, in thinking about this I had a number of thoughts all at once, because I can see both sides of the problem, which some people struggle to identify. The first cause of the problem, ironically enough, came from government (Bush/Clinton era) and the philosophy that every American SHOULD and CAN own a home. The government, in typical overarching, all-encompassing view wanted to see everyone achieve "the American Dream", not taking into consideration that there are a great many people who cannot and should not own a home.

The second part of the problem came from, in my opinion, greedy businesses. In an effort to increase their bottom lines, they saw opportunity in the government initiatives to increase home ownership and thus created more and more exotic and risky loan packages and peddled them mercilessly to everyone without properly screening candidates or requiring traditional documentation and other elements that make mortgages work.

The irony to me is that we're dealing with debt instruments which are long term. Doing that in a short term method (such as 1 -2 years) is similar to unsecured debt that we have today in the modern credit card and unsecured short term personal loans. It is a complete ridiculous fallacy to do so with a 30 year mortgage and a depreciable asset. However, no one was thinking of depreciation. Brokers figured since homes had historically increased in value that would serve as an adequate hedge against risk as would the idea that people would be committed to keeping "the American Dream".

The third problem comes from consumers which purchased these exotic mortgages and jumped into these situations without proper reflection. Sold on the idea of "the American Dream" as well as the ongoing need for instant gratification inherent within our culture (something I fight against daily in my personal life), consumers took the plunge. Unfortunately, many found themselves in a heck of a pickle due to an uneducated perspective about homeownership, especially the costs involved. Ill prepared for emergencies and job loss, uneducated about the actual debt instruments they'd purchased, as well as racking up additional debts in other ways, homeowners became besieged on all sides and the majority, as a result, could see no other alternative than to walk away, leaving the system in a two year continuing crisis of vacant homes and no buyers.

To remedy this problem it created in the first place, the government stepped in and offered buyers credits to purchase homes which could serve as a down payment or be used to remodel (since a number of foreclosures were vandalized or neglected by vacating owners or criminals). While the problem has been a slight success, it has not solved the problem and only time will tell whether it has only continued to exacerbate the existing one (how well were those candidates screened? To hear the desperate radio advertisements in my city alone I wouldn't imagine anyone in the industry learned their lesson yet).

Of course, it's easy to point the blame. But the more important question becomes how to solve the problem and there's no easy answer. With job losses at its highest rate in more than two decades (a national 10% average last I heard), business closings, and less money available for lenders to give, lenders must be choosier regarding their risk at a time when they need desperately to be looser to survive. With 10% of the job force unemployed or recently unemployed that further reduces the pool of candidates. 10% of the population is too impoverished to stand a chance at home ownership. The remainder of the population that CAN afford a home, typically already have one. A small percentage of those might be interested in upgrading or changing homes but not in enough numbers to support any initiative the government might propose (as evidenced by the recent government tax credit) and even if they do, that doesn't solve the problem but instead unbalances it further as many homeowners would leave older homes behind rather than newer ones.

Ultimately, the solution seems to be a return to prior values, something the government would certainly resist doing as that would be akin to admitting they had done something wrong in the first place and ultimately shake confidence in government itself. Not that it hasn't been already but the government, for the last two years, has struggled mightily to wipe the mud off its face and has gone to great lengths to do so.

Some states have enacted their own regulations, as evidenced recently by New York and the government is working to somehow provide greater regulation in an industry that is supposedly rigidly regulated already.

"Although consumers are often unable to distinguish one origination source
from another, mortgage brokers stand singularly accused of operating on an
unregulated basis. This accusation is plainly false. Mortgage brokers are
regulated by more than ten federal laws, five federal enforcement agencies and
at least forty-nine state regulation and licensing statutes. Moreover,
mortgage brokers, who typically operate as small business owners, must also
comply with a number of laws and regulations governing the conduct of
commercial activity within the states."

Obviously not or we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. The article further proposes that further regulation will not solve the problem of abuses within the industry but it's obvious there are too many loopholes within the system that allow those abuses to occur. In some states, such as Maryland, no license is required to even originate loans if you work for a brokerage house. In my industry, that's practically unheard of in everything except the mortgages we're authorized to sell (which I don't, our loans are not very competitive in the currently lazily regulated industry). Countrywide, a subprime lender of mortgages, is currently being sued by the government for questionable mortgage practices. In being bailed out last year they created an $8.4 billion loan aid program presumably to help troubled borrowers deal with their bad mortgages and it was still taken over by Bank Of America. And in spite of all that, the prior executives of Countrywide and other businessmen have and are profiting enormously as a result of all of it.

A lot of these former executives are now starting their own businesses and profiting hugely from a crisis that has cost the country billions. How is it that these people can even still operate in the mortgage industry at all let alone own a business? They should be brought up on criminal misconduct charges, slapped with fines that leave them impoverished and prohibited entirely from doing business. Let them go work at McDonalds and understand what it means to work your entire life for a dream and then lose it because some assholes were too greedy to see they were ruining people's lives while presenting it as an opportunity.

It's funny to me because I see the mortgage brokers as manipulators now when I have zero experience buying a home. Don't get me wrong, I've done a great deal of research about home ownership and it's because of that, I knew for the last five years that it is unrealistic for me to try to own a home, even when the government offered their $8K credit. I simply can't afford it. No way, no how. Even if I were working a job in my field I couldn't afford it. But many people just accepted that lenders said they could afford the payments. I recently experienced that when I tried to purchase a car and was pressured into buying significantly more than I wanted to. When the opportunity came for me to return the car I did so, as much as it pained me to, because it was in my best financial interest and I saw that. Not many homeowners have that chance.

Ultimately a solution will be difficult to accomplish because it requires an overall industry change as well as governmental and even at a consumer level. The time of entitlement policy needs to end and it doesn't seem to be - if anything it's getting worse (hence the bailouts and credits). No one wants to pay for the consequences of their actions or take responsibility for the outcomes. Until that changes, reforms will do little if anything.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Shelly Thinks: Wishing Money Grew On Trees

In the last month I lost not only one major scholarship but two totaling about $4500. Why? Because of poor management on the part of the organizations and the economy. I did my part and the needs haven't changed. But yet they will not be fulfilling what they promised to do. Which leaves me with almost half of my student aid gone. I need $10,000 a semester to make it through the term. About 1/3 of it covers tuition ($3300 for 12 credits IF they don't increase again) plus fees (approximately $400), books (roughly $300), and personal expenses (what money is left covers whatever it can). The Pell, which has not increased at all that I can see, pays only $2675 of that amount.

I have another $500 scholarship for Spring and work study money (a whopping $600). I can take almost $5000 in student loans but with a debt burden of $32,000 already, it makes me physically ill to think about adding more to it. I already am unsure how I will ever pay it off or afford it as it is. That's more than any car I've ever purchased and would be a sizable down payment on a house. It's more than double my settlement from my worker's comp case. It's more than I've ever grossed in a year. And I would be burdened with it for 20 years. With it accruing interest.

So tell me this: How is college not out of reach for Americans? If I can't get more aid, my debt burden will balloon, at this rate, to a whopping $50,000 JUST for my undergraduate work. That doesn't consider a graduate degree which I do not intend to pay for. I can justify a bachelor's degree as it will increase my earning potential and open up additional job possibilities. A graduate degree would probably do that as well but the fees are so much higher (by almost 10 times) that it really IS out of reach if I don't get 100% funding. I've seen ranges from $600 to $1500 PER CREDIT HOUR. One course would cost between $1800 to $4500 and there is much less federal aid available for a graduate degree.

Overall I'm struggling mightily not to panic. I knew that I would have my work cut out for me next year but was hoping I would receive more aid because I would apply earlier for financial aid (didn't apply this year until 3/31, about 21 days past the deadline, not that I knew it at the time). Not to mention my income would be even less than it was last year (I'll be lucky to hit about $10,000 income this year) and I can claim homelessness as part of my financial need.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for all the help I'm getting. I'm not getting greedy. But I AM trying to get finished with my education. I tried to do it the first time on my own and couldn't. Now, I need all the help I can get. I almost want to put up a "Keyes College Fund" website and ask for scholarship donations. After all, people spend money buying fake money on Facebook for the games, why not donate to me instead? I would at least send you a free autographed copy of one of my publications. Hey, it might be worth something in about 200 years. Lol. It could be a wise investment.

Well, what do you do when you're feeling down? Watch a movie. Or at least that's been my de-stress mechanism lately. I should work on a paper but I'm too exhausted. So I'm off to watch Harry Potter and hopefully forget about this for a while. Maybe things will look better tomorrow.